Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
