I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Tell her she can't have a vagina
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
