The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
