Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Actions speak louder than pants.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
