dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
