Are you guys doing anything tonight?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
time to smoke my breakfast
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...