That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15