3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.