I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
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Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
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She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights