walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The air was thick with penises
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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