I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
where are my eyebrows?
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