He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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