Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Who died my cat blue again?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
