My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
