so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
