Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
