I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
