i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
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College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
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We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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