he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Welp...herpes.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
