Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
