how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
