Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
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Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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