The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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