I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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