On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
