i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
