Are we in a gay sports bar?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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