the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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