now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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