You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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