this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
