No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
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He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
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He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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