Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
