textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
