i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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