I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
