I wish my penis had an off switch
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
