how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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