That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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