I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
