Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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