Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
