STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
