Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I touched a dick in church today
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
