I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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