she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
