Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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