Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
