Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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