"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i think i have two assholes
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
