You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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