Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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