you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
