Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
