Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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