just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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