I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
