I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
