bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
