My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
