She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
