just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
