Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
