That's when you crack a 10am beer
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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