I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
