Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
